My name is Luke McGuffee and I am writing this guest blog post because I have an important message for all my fellow Republicans.
I am a card carrying member of the NRA and the Republican party and I’m here to tell you we can do better. We NEED to do better. Not with our politics. Those are just what America needs. We don’t KNEEL for the anthem and we STAND UP for our country:
FOUR MORE YEARS!
MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN!
BUILD THE WALL!
BLUE LIVES MATTER!
AMERICA LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT!
THE CHINA VIRUS IS A HOAXE!
No, we are all good on all the important issues. OBVIOUSLY! No I’m here to talk to you about are spelling.
I know what your thinking. “Hold on Luke you ain’t trying to me get me to sound like one of them libtard spelling nazis who care more about you’re grammer than you’re common sense.”
No. No WAY. I know how smart us republicans really are but sometimes we SOUND stupid. And we gotta fix it.
Just the other day, I was makeing a great argument on facebook to some DIMocrat about how it don’t matter if your black, yellow or purple. That ALL lives matter. My logic had him beat, but then he started in with that whole ‘don’t you mean YOU’RE’. Then he called me an uneducated redneck and the hole debate went down the tubes.
That kind of thing is why we voted for Trump to begin with instead of crooked Hillary. He doesnt look down on us. Hes one of us! Sometimes he mispells stuff to but hes a FRIGGIN BUSINESS GENIOUS!
But irregardless of that I’m tired of being looked down at by the libs. I see there protest signs and their definately better then ours. Sometimes we look like morans out their!
I’m not saying we gotta become some kind of sudo-intellectuals. But we got this election coming up soon and like it or not, we got to take Joe Biden serious. How we gonna call him clue-less and seenile and than in the same sentence we use the wrong pro-noun or what-ever?
How grate would it be if we could just take this away from the libs? What if all of us patriets who represent the REAL America just uped our game when it came to grammer and spelling? I would love just once to be abel to write something like “Oh no mister smartie pants, its not “YOU’RE an idiot” its “YOUR an idiot, you MORAN!” Man, that would be sweet. I’d be grinning like a possum.
It won’t make us panty-wasted liberals to learn to spell right. And I now we CAN do this. We are Republicans, not Republicants! And we are fighting for the sole of this country. We got the common sense. Everybody nows it. But now we gotta sound like it to!
So hears my idea:
I’m gonna spend the next month or two study-ing and reading all kinds of books. I’m gonna read all about grammer and spelling and do online tests so’s I can improve. Maybe even take a course or too at the local comunity college! What do you think of that LIBS?!!?
Then Ill come back here and share everything I learnt with the rest of yall and it will be the end of us sounding stupid!
It is I, Luke, with my promised update.
I’ve learned so much over the past six weeks, it’s hard to know where to start. My online education led me to enroll in community college courses. And I’ve been reading. A lot. I started with Orwell’s Animal Farm and 1984 and moved on to The Federalist Papers, Huxley, Churchill, Hunter S. Thompson.
Like you, my Republican colleagues, I used to believe that spelling and grammar were not important elements in a civilized and productive political dialogue; that well-reasoned and well-written arguments were signs of egg-headed sophistry rather than wisdom.
What a fool I was. A ‘moran,’ if you will. I have now come to understand that proper use of language is essential to clarity of thought. The lack of one usually indicates the absence of the other.
Therein lies the rub, my GOP comrades. Even a cursory examination of the level of discourse permeating our political party reveals a disturbing lack of both sense and semantics. To put it in crude terms that you can understand: you need to learn the difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit.
So, having reached this new understanding of things, I can no longer in good conscience support our president’s re-election efforts. I’m sorry if this disappoints you. But fear not my Republican friends, I am not abandoning you entirely. In the interest of raising the overall level of political discourse, regardless of political affiliations, I leave you, my comrades, with this simple guide. It is designed to help you eliminate a large percentage of your more obvious writing blunders and help you clarify your thinking. Use it wisely.
You’re: You are (contraction)
Your: Indicates possession
It’s: It is (contraction)
Its: Indicates possession
They’re: They are (contraction)
Their: Indicates possession
There: Indicates location
Who’s: Who is (contraction)
Whose: Indicates possession
To: Expressing motion or direction
Too: Also, or more than is needed
I’ll put a few of these into a sentence for you:
If you’re incapable of putting your words together in a coherent manner, then maybe there’s something wrong with your thinking and not just your spelling.