I blame my wife for this. She had been reading the Guardian, which is the paper of choice for smug, liberal, wannabe-intellectual middle class Britons. She turned to me and said something along the lines of “God, if the Guardian had a voice it would be: ‘nyahhh myahhh, mahhhh wahhhh.'” The sound she made was dripping with venom, sanctimoniousness and unfounded self-confidence. It was perfect- she had become the Guardian incarnate.

We then found it was easy to recreate the sound other newspapers would make if they had voices: The Times, The Sun, The Mail… They were all easy to invoke, as each paper has its own clear, often out-sized personality.

So of course, I got a group of friends together and recorded some samples for you to enjoy: